2022 Wrapped

Fave Shows:

The Bear – Just a very well made tv series that had a gripping intensity that swept me up, but kept tender moments that made me love the flawed characters I was watching.

Death of A Salesman – I’ve never before left a play that made me feel like I needed to wash off all of the emotion. It was like re-experiencing all the worst times of my family, and the emotion was so thick that it almost felt sticky. Incredibly beautiful but tragic.

Important Personal Events of 2022:

California

This is the first time Ji and I left together for a long stint of travel, where we planned and executed our 2 week road trip along the coast of California. We went to see some of the most beautiful views in the world. We saw elephant seals and otters. We met family and friends. Ate in amazing new places for us both. We had a scary driving experience on the Bixby Canyon Bridge (more on this later). And it was honestly one of the best trips of my entire life.

Job Switch

Took a massive risk and switched jobs, going from Amazon to Meta after less than a year at Amazon. With all the recent news, it’s likely that this was not the best decision for Ji and I in terms of dollar revenue. (Bonuses are likely bad this year) But it’s been really great from a learning and development standpoint. Am much happier in the work I do and am learning more every day about practical aspects of being an analytics professional in big tech. The decision also moves my trajectory farther from insights and closer to strategy and product. This better positions me for leadership positions. It is somewhat worrying though, as my job is turning a little bit less technical and I’m still not yet managing my own team.

Manila Wedding + Honeymoon

Ji and I were away from each other for a full month, which I hope is the last time that this happens. But afterwards I felt an outpouring of love from so many people in my life (shout out groom crew!), who flew from all over to join my wedding. I got to see and spend time with a lot of the folks in Ji’s life that have made her so special. But most importantly, I married Ji, the love of my life. I almost cried when she gave me her dad’s watch. The wedding itself was the culmination of almost two years of planning. I was overjoyed to have been the person on the other end of the aisle as she walked down. Knowing how she dreamed of her wedding at a young age, I was also so proud to think about how we were able to make it happen together with shrewd planning and preparation. The watch she gave at the wedding is an object that I’ll forever cherish. But the memories of the whole time are something even more precious.

Ji Starts an American Career

Ji got her career here started. It’s big for her, for numerous reasons that are her own prerogative to share. But this whole thing is really big for me as well. It generated a path to certainty, where we’ve decided that NY is the right place for us for the next few years. It augments our income, which helps us upgrade our lifestyle, save for the future, and also let us purchase a home. Also it reduces the risk, and frees me from some of the worry of possible unemployment, which is always a possibility in this economy.

Homeownership

This culminates another multi year plan of beginning real estate investments. I felt really good and really successful accomplishing this, and could never have done it without Ji. But there are a few things that are unexpected with this life event. 1) I never realized that owning a home is also owning appliances, neighborhood drama, decision making, and stress. I’m learning a lot about maintaining stuff like a proper adult and it’s amazing! 2) In investing in a home, we decided that it would be less sensible to save money on housing. What I mean is that since we wanted a safer investment, and a place to potentially begin our family over the next few years, we couldn’t go super cheap on the location of our home. So what happened is that we ended up upgrading our lifestyle to a much nicer neighborhood, Hunter’s Point, which we’ve been loving so far. Saving money isn’t always the right thing to do. 3) It’s much easier to think about ways to make your home comfortable when you no longer have the feeling of “I’m gonna move out of here in 2 years, so I shouldn’t invest that much money in making this nice.” Full commitment is key to enjoyment of a home. Probably key to enjoyment elsewhere too..

2022 Frequently Listened:

Ex-Factor by Lauryn Hill – it’s that epic bridge in the song, especially where she juxtaposes “You said you’d die for me” and “Why won’t you live for me?”

The Next Great American Dynasty by Taylor Swift – Love the format of “I’m talking about a historical figure, but also I’m talking about me” … And I just think it’s fascinating to think about how Taylor feels connected to a person she’s never met, in the same way we connect to her songs.

Sakamichi by Yuta Orisaka – heard this in 2021 but listened more this year. Just leaning into the genre of “relaxed and calming voice that I don’t understand”

Line from something I’ve read:

Context of quote: Neil is a bonsai apprentice who spent years silently watching his bonsai master while washing the studio’s rags and practicing alone at home. On the verge of quitting from frustration, he finds inspiration:

That night, he went home and looked up mirai. He learned that it means “the future,” but, as opposed to its near-synonym, shōrai, mirai connotes a far-off future. Neil marks this as a turning point in his life as an apprentice: “The whole time I’ve been washing these rags, I’ve been telling myself this isn’t fair, and I’m doing the best that I can—but I really wasn’t. There was another level—there was another gear that I was resisting. I confronted that that night.” He took mirai as his personal motto, a reminder to always reach for perfection, even as the possibility perpetually recedes from one’s grasp. To an outsider, it might seem that the apprentice was merely absorbing the self-punishing pathology of his master, but Neil sees the moment as one in which he went from being servile to being self-directed.

I would also like to think that I can somehow unlock a deeper level within myself to find excellence. I think as I get better at confronting myself, I can find it, but hopefully without carrying the toxicity that Neil had to endure.

Habit Trends:

TikTok/Short Form Video

TikTok is crazy addicting. I started using it because of work. I’ve learned a lot of random things and have seen a lot of funny stuff. It’s like channel surfing when I had cable, but better since it’s recommending stuff and learning my preferences. Sometimes it’s a little bit life ruining because I just really wanna go on TikTok instead of doing pretty much anything else. But I’ve learned new restaurants, some cooking hacks, some history, some fashion, some finance stuff and more… It’s unclear if this is a net positive or net negative. Trying to moderate session time to ensure it is a net positive.

Real Estate/Interior Design/Home/Maintenance/Appliances

While home hunting, I’ve been trying to find out more about homeownership, style, and just taking care of things. I’ve read the manuals of the appliances, have been doing more online shopping, and have turned a bit more curious about how to make a house a home. It suddenly became very interesting to me to find systems and tools to make home maintenance better. And I just keep looking around at how things are decorated everywhere. I never used to do this.

Shrinking politics reading, shrinking sports consumption

Especially since 2016, political reading has been pretty bad for my mental health, and lately I try to keep informed instead of trying to have deep knowledge. The trend continued further when Bongbong Marcos won, and I’ve been reading even less. Surprisingly, I’ve watched less sports and have started reading less about sports as well. I am still missing the heyday of Grantland and long form sports writing. But also I think I’ve always used sports as easy male bonding with strangers and acquaintances, but there has been less of a need since my interactions with acquaintances has decreased so much in the pandemic. I also don’t enjoy F1, which is what tons of people seem to be talking about these days.

Finance and Business News plateau

Over the last three years I’ve been increasing my consumption of finance and business news. At this point I’m pretty bored with it, but I understand its significance and helpfulness. I likely will not decrease consumption, but am not sufficiently interested to go deeper at the moment.

2022 Favorite Game:

Dead Cells – This game was super fricken hard. But it’s addicting to keep trying and making a little bit more progress. Got tired of it when I couldn’t seem to beat 3 cells. I’m not that great at timing stuff and those dang swarms of enemies are so punishing.

Lessons Learned:

Appropriate moments of conflict and friction

Ji and I had a scary moment navigating a blind corner near Bixby Canyon Bridge with incoming cars on the left, a cliffside on the right, and no visibility up ahead. A device mishap forced me to swerve to the left, then Ji screamed at me to get away from incoming cars. I screamed at her that I couldn’t see and I was trying to not fall off the cliff. We were both terrified. We later reflected that neither of us blamed one another. And we both understood that we had appropriate emotional responses, even if we weren’t agreeing on the solutions or communicating well due to the circumstances. I learned this year that conflict is sometimes inevitable and even appropriate for some situations. And I’m trying to learn to frame future conflict and anger this way: a natural occurrence that we both deal with, then can later address without blame.

The meaning of prioritization is saying “No”, then doubling down on what matters

My new job, by its nature, gives me the scope over a wide range of work. The overall team has 60 engineers. 3 Product Managers. 4 Data Scientists. And only one person in my position: Product Growth. The structure implies that the expectation from me is to make impact only on what I deem to be the largest and most relevant parts of the business, regardless of the demands of others. This inherently means that I must say “No” to some people, otherwise I would be overrun by requests and lose focus on my primary points of impact. I’m learning that this is inevitable if I want to be good at anything. Never saying “No” is basically the same as being a good kid that follows the whims of the “grown ups” that may or may not know what they’re doing. Saying “No” (especially with intention) is a sign of leadership. It solidifies that what I choose to do is worth doing and gives me the chance to concentrate long enough to produce effective work of high impact.

“Pain, Uncertainty, and Constant Work”

Watched the movie Stutz with Ji recently. He talks about how the three constants in life are Pain, Uncertainty, and Constant Work. Our job as humans is to deal with that fact. The pain and uncertainty are things that I’ve grappled with before and the concept is very Buddhist-ish. But this was the first time I thought about “Constant Work” as being an inevitability of life. I always used to fantasize about an early retirement where I could do whatever I wanted. But given all of the time in the world, I realize now that I would be unhappy with idleness and hedonism. I’m happiest as I grow and progress. I’m learning to accept that my goal is not to stop working, but to stop working just for money.

Moving from nonstop improvement and exploration to just being in the moment

Being up close to how Ji lives her life, I noticed that one of the things she’s best at is savoring the good things happening around her, and reminding herself that life is good. This is something I forget very frequently. Around her I’ve been more present, more grateful, and generally better natured. I think in the past 20 years I’ve been very much focused on personal growth, and not as much focused on the joys of the moments I am experiencing. There are joys in stillness and in simple things. There are also joys in grand once in a lifetime moments. While I still am hoping to grow and progress, I’ve been learning to appreciate the wins along the way or the stillness that happens when I’m not necessarily winning.

The View from ‘22, 5-year Horizons

In the Rearview Mirror

5 years ago I was feeling driven and was so happy to be finishing grad school. But I was also desperate for money. I didn’t really understand what it meant to have borrowed so much money to pay for grad school. I had so much uncertainty and fear and a strong desire to pay off everything quickly. I felt that if I just made myself knowledgeable enough and competent enough at coding and statistics, I’d end up with a job that would unlock everything I wanted. Most of all I was obsessing over the idea of progress. Was I getting fitter? Was I getting smarter? Did I know the right coding languages? Was I meeting the right people? Was I in the right job?

Looking back, I feel like the struggles were me grappling with a long standing feeling I have always had. I didn’t feel like I had a place for me in this world that would put me in a position to both be fully who I am and also get what I wanted. At this point I had figured that if I could somehow develop some kind of expertise, then I would have the power to create a place for myself. So in 2017, I spent most of my time trying to optimize myself for growth in a career in data.

In a lot of ways, these investments paid off today. A lot of the skills and knowledge I utilize day to day at work can be traced back to things I was reading in 2017. I also began taking finance seriously in 2017, and a few of the investments I’ve made in that year have literally paid me. But I also don’t think I was very good at making my life or the lives of those around me actually good. I don’t remember feeling happy often that year and I don’t remember many big wins. Even my graduation was hampered by a family emergency. I wonder if these are always the trade-offs? Does progress always mean unhappiness? I hope that’s not the case.

The View Ahead

5 years from now is looking a little scary. How can I be happier than I am now? How can anyone maintain this level of joy? By nature, life has ups and downs. And just logically, either we accomplish our big dreams or we don’t. How can anyone be happy in either scenario?

If Ji and I aren’t getting the things we want, I know we will be disappointed and a little sad. But that feeling isn’t so foreign to me. We just need to keep on trying. But if we accomplish our goals: Have kids, get fit, earn money, make an impact on the world… What happens next? Are there next goals? Can you be happy just staying where you are? As I get older, I’m growing more and more skeptical about goal accomplishment as a source of happiness. But also, I don’t really know what alternatives exist for me.

The likely scenario is a half-decade where we have some wins and some losses. We ourselves will have to decide if the next 5 years are victory or failure. Ji and I will have good times and bad times, with an unclear narrative that I hope will be net-positive. I hope that we can somehow navigate the feelings that come from living within the in between of exuberance and crisis.

On a more practical note, it’s unclear to me if we can keep up the pace of income growth. As the family grows, the most obvious need is a boost in income. Part of it will certainly come from Ji’s budding career in the US. But based on the rates of income growth in my industry, I’d have to significantly over-perform or get very lucky in order to keep up my own income growth rate. Perhaps we’ll get better at investments. Perhaps we’ll find a business to start. The path is murky but we must traverse it.

Beyond just money and dream chasing, there’s also endless opportunities to improve myself, and it’s a little bit daunting to decide which path to take. I keep wondering to myself: “Do I have it in me to have one more big growth spurt before we have kids?” Much of what I want takes hard work and practice. I want to learn to write. I want to turn into a great coder. I want my career in tech to really start taking off. I want to learn to play a musical instrument. I want to get really fit. I want to be a better cook. I want to start saving big amounts of money towards retirement and kids. I want to start a business.

But hard work and dedicated solo practice seems to get in the way of the other things I want to be doing. I want to volunteer and teach and help more people in my circle. I want to learn to relax to get over my anxieties. I want to get more sleep. I want to catch up on all the books I haven’t read, the movies I haven’t watched, and the video games I haven’t played. Especially the ones that will not help me in my career. I want to consume New York’s food, culture, art, nature, and energy, until I’ve had my fill. I want to watch every concert. Every sporting event. Every big cultural moment. I want to spend less time sober and stressed and tired and guilty and more time excited and goofy and chill. I want to scroll on TikTok and re-watch anime I loved at ten years old. There’s too much out there, and I don’t know how to do it all.

There’s only 24 hours in a day and 1826 days until the 5 year mark. I’m anxious about how things will shape up, but excited about the potential. Wish me luck!